Sports
Update
Cry Me a River…and
Stop Hijacking the Highlights, eh?
by Jacob Correll
The
lockout is (tentatively) over. But who cares about
the NHL anyway, right? Well, I do. Why is that you
may ask? Well, I’ll tell you why. I was sick
and tired of hockey hijacking airtime on Sportscenter.
For a sport that no one cares about ESPN sure did
make sure it got its highlights (well, footage) seen.
In all seriousness, I really don’t dislike hockey.
I mean, I like watching UK’s hockey team play
at midnight. Actually, I should amend that statement.
I like going once a year to make sure I get the new
hockey poster (http://www.ukhockey.com/images/posters/).
Of course even that was taken away from me this year
when Heather French Henry, wife of then Lieutenant
Governor Steve Henry, couldn’t release her photos
because of former Governor Paul Patton sex scandal
story. Hey, who says Arkansas has to have all the
fun?
Like Hockey, only a lot Better
Like
I said, I’m not against hockey. I could even
think of a few ways to make the game a little better.
For instance, Barry Melrose is great, but he should
be partnered up with Jim Ross and Jerry the King Lawler.
This would go great with the new strategy of less
padding. I don’t think hockey players are wimps
by any means. The problem is they don’t get
a good chance to show just how badass they are because
they have to wear too much gear. The best goalies
would truly shine, or they’d be on the IL.
Regardless, the scoring would go up.
The best overall improvement hockey could make though
is in regards to fighting. Most people like the fighting,
and that’s okay. I’ll take the good hits.
But if two guys want to fight, why not send them to
THE penalty box. Not their own penalty box, but the
only penalty box. We could even put up a screen in
their so the children wouldn’t have to witness
the horror. Then, WWE cage match style, whoever could
get out of the box first could return to the ice.
All of this with JR and King calling the action. This
even fits the new slogan “It’s a Whole
New Game.”
Better Sports
Now that would be some highlight footage
I wouldn’t mind seeing. But in its present form
hockey is in a league with poker and women’s
softball for fan support. It’s worse for 2 reasons
though. First, I actually like poker and women’s
softball can actually be entertaining during the World
Series, about the only time other than the Olympics
that it gets any coverage.
Second, neither of them gets a ton of
airtime on Sportscenter. Actually, that’s not
really a good thing. I mean, who wouldn’t want
to see a segment called “How Hellmuth Busted
Out Today” or “Hottie Softball Hurlers
of the Big 12”. Now that would be entertainment.
Sorry, So Sorry
I was sorry that hockey left because
I had to read a bunch of articles about how no one
really cared, which is kind of strange because if
no one really cared then why would everyone feel the
need to tell us that no one cared? I’ll tell
you why. Because people assumed other people cared
because it’s on TV so damn much. So welcome
back hockey.
If ESPN decides to give you the minimal
airtime you deserve then we’ll be alright. After
all, we need to know more important things, like John
Clougherty hanging up his whistle. This could be a
national holiday in the Bluegrass State, and I’m
sure a lot of our anti-ACC brethren will rejoice as
well. Oh, you didn’t hear about that? Blame
ESPN.
