Featured Column: Last Call with Cohn
LOVE AT FIRST SHOT?
By Andrew Cohn - Email - MySpace
After a long night of boozing the night before, I awoke last Saturday afternoon to a tsunami size hangover. Songs by Lionel Richie and Little Bow-Wow were still stuck in my head from last night's after-bar and for some reason I remembered playing badminton. I did some pocket- forensics to figure out where I had been the night before. I looked through my pockets for credit card receipts, matchbooks, or anything that might give me a clue to where I was the night prior.
I swore off alcohol for the rest of my life and checked my cell phone to see whom I might have called during my drunken stupor. Why was there an outgoing call to my landlord at 3:45 am? This couldn't be good. Usually when you can't remember something, it's never good. No one ever has a blackout described to them the next day as "gentleman-like." It was the type of hangover that makes you put your whole life into perspective. The type of hangover which makes you want to go out and buy a pocket calendar or a blackberry to help you get your life together.
After going out the night before to pick up chicks I again found myself alone, waking up with my shoes on and a hot-pocket still in the microwave. What happened? My roommate and I went out for breakfast, and I'll use the term loosely since it was 2:30 in the afternoon. While at breakfast he filled in the blanks for me about last night and I asked him the question I had been pondering in my head.
"Do you think it's possible to find love at a bar?" I asked. "Yes," he said without hesitation as he mowed through his plate of corn beef hash. "I've fallen in love plenty of times," he joked. It wasn't exactly the answer I was looking for. I wanted to know about real love, true love, and not drunken one- night flings. I started to think further about the question as I finished my bacon and eggs. What type of girls can you really meet at a bar? And can one really find love at the bottom of a pint glass?
The next night I vowed to not get as drunk as the night before and to get some answers. My friends and I began boozing around eight. We drank Grape Madogs followed by 40 ounces of Schlitz and I could tell it was going to be an interesting night. We did our usual pre-bar ritual, front-loading heavily so we wouldn't have to spend too much cash at the bar. As we walked toward the bar I began to realize that my question was about to be answered.
Here were five guys, completely hammered, heading toward the bar to hit on anything with two legs. As soon as we got in the door we ordered a round of whiskey shots and formed a drunken semi-circle around a group of unsuspecting ladies. My friends and I made eye contact with each other to divvy up the booty and see who would take who. I talked to one of the girls who fit the bill, trying not to slur. We chatted for a few minutes about this and that, I bought her a drink, but she quickly became disinterested. A few seconds later she introduced me to Mark, her boyfriend. Holy double-cross! I eyeballed the drink that I had just bought her with fury. I drunkenly reached out to snatch it back. "Gimmy that!" I yelled. She
jerked the cocktail out of my reach and I fell into a group of patrons sitting behind us. Her boyfriend gave me the look of death as she chucked the glass of Captain and Coke at me. Ice flew everywhere and my friends stepped in to calm everyone down.
I left the bar sticky and upset. As I wiped the rum and coke from my face I realized that there are all kinds of women at bars, and that one can find love just about anywhere. Some folks go to the bar to get drunk, and some go to look for love. But doing both, that can end up as a sticky situation.
